Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
