i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
