I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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