I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
