And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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