From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
