ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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