he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
