end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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