i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
