Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
