I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
