someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
