I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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