she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
