Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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