is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
