matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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