party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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