I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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