Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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