now i know why i became what i already was.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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