We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
