Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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