There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
