I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
