for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize