i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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