So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
