I think im going to throw up on grandma
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
