Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
