Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
