My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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