Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
