if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
