i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
