After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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