I'm going to jail i love you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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