i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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