Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
