somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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