I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
