Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
