sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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