I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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