I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
