my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
