i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
