he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.