and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit