wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you made out with another girl for some wings
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.