woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I had to cum in my sink.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
