Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.