So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.