Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.

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  (413): Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go. http://tfl.nu/wjr6
  Replies (18) Good night (586) Bad night (1786)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

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  (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y
  Replies (83) Good night (9840) Bad night (841)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

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  (602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb
  Replies (6) Good night (7136) Bad night (948)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.

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  (403): Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl. http://tfl.nu/u7lt
  Replies (22) Good night (4431) Bad night (1474)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they're like a gay fantastic four

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  (204): they're like a gay fantastic four http://tfl.nu/6w8u
  Replies (15) Good night (2406) Bad night (1022)
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  (+35): View more from

  i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

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  (+35): i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry. http://tfl.nu/d5vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1842) Bad night (1204)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

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  (732): yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing" http://tfl.nu/qoaq
  Replies (9) Good night (4335) Bad night (956)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1327) Bad night (466)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil

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  (757): I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil http://tfl.nu/9nrx
  Replies (7) Good night (1020) Bad night (1133)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.

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  (519): All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am. http://tfl.nu/roar
  Replies (13) Good night (2065) Bad night (1111)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.

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  (785): He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever. http://tfl.nu/1thi
  Replies (1) Good night (1108) Bad night (352)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.

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  (610): why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from? (484): question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA. http://tfl.nu/jqh5
  Replies (2) Good night (1300) Bad night (434)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.

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  (615): I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY. http://tfl.nu/j30c
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (299)
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  (909): View more from California

  Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.

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  (909): Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work. http://tfl.nu/qyvz
  Replies (2) Good night (289) Bad night (565)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too

  (613): View more from Ontario

  This was before halftime

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME

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  (613): Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too (613): This was before halftime (613): I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME http://tfl.nu/8vn8
  Replies (5) Good night (1091) Bad night (217)

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