Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.