she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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