shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Come on in and take your pants off
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