WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
