I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
