just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
