I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hippo gnu deer
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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