so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you never un-have a 4some
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
