I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need help removing her.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
