dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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