i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Shame is for Republicans.
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