You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT