You're completely useless in the revolution.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window