you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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