careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises