She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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