you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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