Plan B is the new Plan A
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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